I felt your pain
by Sapphire1112
Summary: Set after the end of series 20. Nikki opens up.


In the office...

"Morning!" Nikki breezed into the office.

"Do you have to be so cheerful?" Jack grumbled. He wasn't sleeping any better than Nikki was after her ordeal in Mexico, but unlike the feisty doctor, he wasn't very good at hiding it.

"What's wrong with you?" Nikki questioned.

"It's _Monday_!" Jack growled, as if it was a bad word, causing Clarissa to roll her eyes at Nikki.

"Did I hear Jack complaining?" Thomas commented, walking into the room, "hangover, Jack?!"

Jack groaned and put his head in his hands.

Nikki giggled. "Worse than that. Monday-itis! Coffee, Jack?"

Jack looked up and nodded. "Please!"

Nikki glanced at Thomas and Clarissa. who both nodded and she turned to put on the kettle.

Clarissa glanced questionably at the two men, then moved her chair forward towards Nikki.

"not wishing to put a damper on your good mood, Nikki," She began, cautiously.

Nikki stopped what she was doing briefly, already anticipating what was coming next. Then she resumed her task of setting up the four mugs, ready for the hot liquid.

Clarissa cleared her throat, then carried on. "But why are you in such a good mood? Surely, given the circumstances, What happened in Mexico must have affected you?"

Nikki stopped again, having poured the freshly made coffee into the four mugs. "I nearly died." She stated quietly. "I thought I was going to die." She repeated. "But I didn't So now I'm enjoying being alive." She finished, knowing exactly what look was on Jack's face and not daring to turn around and look at him.

"You don't have to be brave, Nikki." Clarissa said simply,

"Not around us. You must have been terrified in that box.

Jack exhaled a breath that he hadn't realised he'd been holding in and glanced at Nikki's back, waiting for her reaction. He knew exactly how terrified she had been. It had broken his heart.

Nikki took a deep breath before finally turning around tp meet the three concerned faces watching her. She met Jack's intense gaze and he held it without blinking, a look of deep concern in his eyes.

Finally tearing her eyes away from Jack's , Nikki spoke to the floor. "It was a lot worse for Jack." She said, without effort. She heard him give a sharp intake of breath. Whatever response he'd been expecting from her, it wasn't that.

"Wh-at?" he eventually managed to stammer, prompting her to look back up at him.

"I've been there, Jack." She paused. "On the other side. You nearly died as well. Thomas and I had to do an ante-mortem on you. You were all bruised and broken." She was barely breathing in between her sentences now, but she didn't care. "I know you were frantic and you blamed yourself when I was in that box. Hearing you on the phone kept me going, stopped me giving up. It meant everything to me, but that doesn't mean I couldn't hear how scared and helpless you felt and the pain when you realised that I'd deliberately sent you to the wrong place."

Nikki saw Jack swallow a lump in his throat. He thought he'd hidden his feelings to protect her, but she'd obviously seen right through it. Nikki bit her lip.

"When you were hurt, we didn't know if you were going to make it, but at least we knew where you were."

She stopped. Thomas and Clarissa were both silently staring at her and Jack had never broken her gaze since she had started her speech. Nikki didn't like the silence. It was too quiet.

So she broke it again. "It's more then that though. When you were hurt, it was worse. Eva took me to _save_ her son and she tried to save me."

"Tried to _save_ you?!" Jack exclaimed leaping to his feet and suddenly finding his voice again.

Nikki automatically stepped forward and touched his arm to calm him. "She gave me water and told me to save my air but I was beside myself with fear, so she sent you my number. She knew you would calm me down." Nikki was speaking at a more normal pace now. "When you were hurt, somebody actually tried to kill you. They wanted you dead and they were very nearly successful." She paused, before repeating the statement that she'd always struggled to believe.

"Someone tried to _murder_ you, Jack. The intention to kill you was _very_ real and that scares me a _hell_ of a lot more than being buried in a box in the earth."

The room was silent. Barely breaking eye contact with Jack's longing gaze, Nikki handed Thomas and Clarissa their coffee, before gently placing Jack's steaming mug in his trembling hands.

Placing her left hand comfortingly on his arm, she picked up her own mug in her right, gave him a small smile and sipped her coffee.


End file.
